Healthy Living: May Not Be Suitable for Sensitive Readers

I really wish I didn't have to do this. I'm just not sure that I have a choice. I fear that there may be people just like me out there right now...everything feels off, like they just need to be renewed, or revived, or something.

I'm starting to wonder who I am, and where my life is going. What kind of person have I become, and what does this all mean for my future? Am I going down the road of a---a----a health nut?! These are the questions that I've woken up to every day, in my dim room, the laptop computer that hasn't typed the word "cheese" in over a week grimly staring at me, wondering if I'll ever come back to it.

Will it ever forgive me for what I'm about to do?

The Bacon Concentrate SuperSmoothie:

1/2 medium Avocado (I promise it won't taste funny)
3/4 cup Grapes (for sweetness and fiber)
2 cups sliced Strawberries (for Vitamin C)
1 Carrot w/the skin, sliced (for Vitamin A)
1/2 cucumber w/the skin on, sliced (for fiber)
1 handful baby spinach leaves (for the hell of it)
1 cup Blackberries (for antioxidants)
1 cup unsweetened soy milk (for Vitamins, calcium)
splash of lemon juice, to taste
Ice cubes
Dash Cinnamon (so you can pretend you're eating apple pie)

Puree carrot and cucumber in blender. Add fruits and avocado, a bit at a time, until pureed. If blender sticks, add a splash of soymilk. Add the spinach, and puree. Add the soy milk and cinnamon. Taste, add more cinnamon and lemon juice to taste. Add ice cubes a few at a time until you have reached the desired consistency.

Note: This recipe is for a quick boost of vitamins and minerals and a healthy digestive system, not weight loss. If you drink this every day, you will have fantastic skin and a happy belly, but your butt still won't fit into your pre-teen's leggings. Then again, who wants that anyway?

EEEK! NUTRITION INFORMATION! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Serving Size: 1/2 of the mixture above
240 Calories
20% of your recommended daily value (DV) of Fat (good fat aids in absorption of vitamins & minerals)
25% DV Potassium
36% DV Dietary Fiber
5 grams Protein
180% DV Vitamin C
17% DV Iron
23% DV Calcium
15% DV Vitamin D
25% DV Vitamin B12

Tips and Tricks:

You can use good-quality frozen fruits--the sugar content is a little higher, but they are oh-so-easy.

Don't use yogurt, or milks containing lactose. Your belly needs a break.

Convince your boyfriend that these are a special dessert, made just for him. Then maybe he'll drink it, instead of chomping on that piece of pizza as you sip your non-cheesy, non-meaty, non-doughy vitamin serum.