Even My Yoga's Spicy, Ya'll!

This may go without saying, but I'm generally a slothful food-a-holic with a very short attention span and occasional bouts of Type-A personality. (I wish I could say that I'm being hyperbolic in saying all that--I'm not. Tis' true). This makes exercising very difficult--if I'm at a typical yoga class or on a run I'm thinking about the following, all at the same time:

a.) a cheeseburger

b.) how boring exercise is

c.) chocolate

d.) how my legs/ankles/lungs/stomach/earlobes hurt too much to go any further

e.) how lame I am at fitness.

Thankfully, all that may have changed, now that I've found Bikram yoga. Bikram yoga consists of way too many people in tiny spandex clothing, doing deep balancing and stretching postures in a 104-115 degree room while being coached by a tiny, cut person with a headset. It's intense, and I've found that the only way I can make it through the 90 minute session is to concentrate all my willpower on doing the postures in a way that benefits my body. If I think for one second about the heat of the room, or how shallow my breathing is, I'm toast. (Mmmmm, toast with apple buttermmmmmmm!)

I've only gone 3 times, and my body is already changing. My torso is longer, and all the tension that I carry around in my chest and shoulders is gone. About 70 minutes into my second class, I was laying in corpse pose after a particularly sternum-crushing posture and it felt like a huge weight I didn't even know I'd been carrying around had been lifted off my chest. And laying there, chest heaving, red-faced, and covered in sweat after an hour + of cardio-heavy yoga, I felt like the happiest person on the planet. And I wasn't even thinking about chocolate.

Healthy Living: May Not Be Suitable for Sensitive Readers

I really wish I didn't have to do this. I'm just not sure that I have a choice. I fear that there may be people just like me out there right now...everything feels off, like they just need to be renewed, or revived, or something.

I'm starting to wonder who I am, and where my life is going. What kind of person have I become, and what does this all mean for my future? Am I going down the road of a---a----a health nut?! These are the questions that I've woken up to every day, in my dim room, the laptop computer that hasn't typed the word "cheese" in over a week grimly staring at me, wondering if I'll ever come back to it.

Will it ever forgive me for what I'm about to do?

The Bacon Concentrate SuperSmoothie:

1/2 medium Avocado (I promise it won't taste funny)
3/4 cup Grapes (for sweetness and fiber)
2 cups sliced Strawberries (for Vitamin C)
1 Carrot w/the skin, sliced (for Vitamin A)
1/2 cucumber w/the skin on, sliced (for fiber)
1 handful baby spinach leaves (for the hell of it)
1 cup Blackberries (for antioxidants)
1 cup unsweetened soy milk (for Vitamins, calcium)
splash of lemon juice, to taste
Ice cubes
Dash Cinnamon (so you can pretend you're eating apple pie)

Puree carrot and cucumber in blender. Add fruits and avocado, a bit at a time, until pureed. If blender sticks, add a splash of soymilk. Add the spinach, and puree. Add the soy milk and cinnamon. Taste, add more cinnamon and lemon juice to taste. Add ice cubes a few at a time until you have reached the desired consistency.

Note: This recipe is for a quick boost of vitamins and minerals and a healthy digestive system, not weight loss. If you drink this every day, you will have fantastic skin and a happy belly, but your butt still won't fit into your pre-teen's leggings. Then again, who wants that anyway?

EEEK! NUTRITION INFORMATION! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Serving Size: 1/2 of the mixture above
240 Calories
20% of your recommended daily value (DV) of Fat (good fat aids in absorption of vitamins & minerals)
25% DV Potassium
36% DV Dietary Fiber
5 grams Protein
180% DV Vitamin C
17% DV Iron
23% DV Calcium
15% DV Vitamin D
25% DV Vitamin B12

Tips and Tricks:

You can use good-quality frozen fruits--the sugar content is a little higher, but they are oh-so-easy.

Don't use yogurt, or milks containing lactose. Your belly needs a break.

Convince your boyfriend that these are a special dessert, made just for him. Then maybe he'll drink it, instead of chomping on that piece of pizza as you sip your non-cheesy, non-meaty, non-doughy vitamin serum.

Healthy Oklahoma Chili Recipe

Blurgh. I have an earache. I thought grown folks weren't supposed to get earaches. I thought we grew out of them, like we grew out of....well, I can't think of anything that I've outgrown. (Snowdays? No. Bouncy balls? A definite no. Damn, this is hard.) Anyway, I have an earache and I forgot my earmuffs in the unforgiving cold that's taken over D.C., and today has been just a blurgh day overall. So? I wrapped myself in a blanket, and ate a huge mug of chili.

I love this chili recipe because it is made with large quantities of veggies, and it still tastes like heaven. It's a chili that sneaks up on you...you take your first bite and think "Ok, that was good" but then you immediately want another bite. And another. Continue till you've finished 9 mugs of chili.

If you make it with ground turkey instead of beef, a large bowl--I'm serious, I calculated the points based on 1/10th of the recipe--is only 8 Weight Watchers points. That means that anyone can dive into a steaming bowl of spicy comfort food sans guilt, which is just what you deserve on a cold, crappy day.


Weight Watchers Oklahoma Chili Recipe

2 lb ground turkey
2 large onions, diced
1 bell pepper, diced
3 stalks celery, diced
4 cloves garlic, minced

1 teaspoon olive oil
2 14 oz. cans diced tomatoes w/green chilis
1 can tomato sauce
1 can of water
1 can chili beans
1 1/2 tbs. chili powder
2 teaspoons cumin
Red pepper, Black Pepper, and Salt to taste

Brown turkey in a large pot, seasoning with chili powder, cumin, salt, and black pepper as it cooks. In a saute pan, saute veggies in 1 teaspoon olive oil until cooked. Add veggies to the pot with the turkey. Add the remaining ingredients to the pot and bring to a boil. Add red pepper and salt to taste. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer on low for 2 hours, stirring every 15 minutes.

The Turkey Burger Recipe "Mamma Mia!" Style

Mr. Luz would hate that I called this the "Mamma Mia!" Turkey Burger, because 1. He loved, loved, loved this recipe and 2. He loathes a warbling Meryl Streep more than is healthy (and sometimes I feel like calling a shrink, because, something must be seriously wrong with you if you do not love her in that movie).

Thanks, Liza Jane, for passing this along to me and Mama. The photo and recipe are compliments of Cooking Light, and of course I add some twists and a WW count because...I'm a workaholic? The turkey burger is stuffed full of red onions, feta cheese, dill, and mint, and then served in a pita with red bell peppers and a cucumber yogurt sauce. Yurme! The pita is so tasty, less messy then a bun, and is better for you.

You get a big burger for 10 Weight Watchers points, and for 2 more points you can add some couscous mixed with tomato and lemon juice as a side.

Yogurt Cucumber Sauce

1 cup plain low fat yogurt
3/4 cup cucumbers
1 large clove garlic, minced
dash hot sauce
2 tablespoons mint, minced

Greek Turkey Burgers

1 large egg white
3/4 cup chopped red onion
3/4 cup chopped fresh mint
1/2 cup dry breadcrumbs
1/3 cup crumbled feta cheese
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon dried dill
1 pound ground turkey

Cooking spray
1 package Pita bread
1 red bell pepper, sliced thin

Preparation

Mix ingredients for yogurt sauce in a small bowl, refrigerate until use.

Place egg white in a large bowl; lightly beat with a whisk. Add onion and next 6 ingredients (through turkey); stir well to combine. Divide turkey mixture into 4 equal portions, shaping each into a patty.

Heat a large non-stick skillet over medium-high heat. Coat pan with cooking spray. Add patties to pan; cook 8 minutes on each side or until done. You may have to cover the pan to cook the burgers through. The burgers may stick a little, since there is almost no fat in turkey meat, so it’s important to use the non-stick pan and only turn once the burgers have released from the bottom.

Wrap pitas in a damp paper towel and microwave until warm. Fill with burger, 2-3 tbs. yogurt sauce, and the thin sliced bell peppers. Oh, and for you cheese gluttons out there, throw in some more feta, for good measure.

Healthy Chicken Enchilada Recipe

Hey, Mom....mooooommmmmmmmmmm! Hi! It's your daughter. I write a food blog, which is sort of like Facebook, but it has a thin veneer of "anonymity" and RECIPES! You're on FB now, hopefully stalking your youngest child so you, too, can ask if she's too poor to afford shirts, or if there's another reason she wears nothing but a bathing suit in public.

It's time to graduate to another questionably-healthy internet obsession-culling your list of "favorite blogs." I welcome you to the blogosphere with healthy recipes, complete with WW points already calculated. Surely, you must understand that this is a sacrifice on my part. I have a reputation to uphold. This blog isn't called "Smoked Meat Flavored, Textured Soy Protein Concentrate," it's called Bacon Concentrate. But I love you, so here goes.

Mama, 3 enchiladas is 9 WW points. Add a side of corn with onion and chili powder for 1 point per cup. Everyone else, triple the cheese and spoon on the sour cream--fat calories be damned!

The recipe looks lengthy, but it's not much work and the homemade tomatillo sauce is well worth the trouble--wonderfully tangy with perfect enchilada-sauce texture. Also, you can make the sauce and the chicken ahead and store it in the fridge.

Cooking Light Enchiladas Verdes

Salsa Verde:
1 lb. tomatillos (about 15)
1 1/4 cups fat-free chicken broth
2 jalapenos, seeded and chopped
Salt to Taste

Filling & Construction
1 package corn tortillas
1 package chicken breasts
1 tablespoon dried oregano, divided
2 garlic cloves, minced
8 fresh basil leaves
2/3 cup shredded asadero cheese or Asiago cheese
1/3 cup chopped onion
1/3 cup minced fresh cilantro
1/3 cup fat-free, less-sodium chicken broth
1/3 cup fat-free sour cream
Juice from half a lime
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
Salt and Pepper to taste

For Salsa Verde: Discard husks and stems from tomatillos; cut into quarters. Combine ingredients in a saucepan and bring to a boil. Reduce heat, and simmer until tomatillos are tender. Blend salsa verde until smooth, pour back into the saucepan, and simmer until reduced to approx. 3 cups.

For Filling: Preheat oven to 400°. Place chicken breasts on a broiler pan and cover with garlic and herbs. Lightly drizzle chicken with olive oil, and bake until the chicken is done. Cool and shred.

Mix chicken with all the remaining ingredients. Warm tortillas in the microwave or in a skillet on medium heat, no oil. (Non-healthy people, remember what I said about the cheese and sour cream? Well, you can also lightly pan fry the tortillas...Yum! I mean--ick, yuck, Mom. I love health.)

Spread a thin layer of salsa verde in bottom of a 13 x 9-inch baking dish coated with cooking spray. Assemble and arrange enchiladas in the pan. Pour salsa verde evenly over enchiladas, reserving some. Sprinkle with a small amount of cheese. (Or alot, you shameful calorie-whores.) Bake at 400° for 10 minutes or until thoroughly heated. Serve with the extra tomatillo sauce and sliced jalapeno peppers.