First "Foodie" now "Gastrosexual"? Enough already!

I think that I've kept my loathing for the neologism "Foodie" quiet for long enough. The man who claims to have coined the term, Dr. Paul Levy, is at it again and he must. be. stopped.

I have an abiding love for language, and as a postmodern feminist I appreciate a little subversive word play. I sprinkle double entendres in my legal briefs from time to time. And I enjoy using violent metaphors in my correspondence to opposing counsel so they know who they are dealing with--because, in fact, I am 5 feet and 2 and 3 quarters inches of pure intimidation sometimes. (FYI, postmodernism is like, soooo late 1990's but I haven't evolved to be a post-postmodern feminist yet...too busy with other things.)

Yes ma'am, I am fairly open to people messing with the English language to further communication in a creative or thought-provoking way. But I do draw the line at inventing and then glamorizing arbitrary culinary concepts and then shoving it down society's collective throat. (Which begs the question, if society has a collective throat, does society have a collective belly? A collective intestine? And what's in it? Ew.)

Foodie? Are you effing kidding me? It reminds me of "boogie," as in, a child-like term for "booger," which essentially infantilizes the English language two-fold. What is the significance of that particular suffix, besides it's grating ability to cutesy up the word "food"? So now what is Dr. Levy up to, besides making me want to claw my eyeballs out every time I hear his meaningless-albeit-spiffy new term for "a person who likes food?"

He has been hired out to PurAsia, one of those companies that makes frozen pad thai for your office lunch, to pimp his new concept--the Gastrosexual. According to his "study," a Gastrosexual is a young male who cooks, and get this--he typically cooks Asian food (pad thai, anyone?)--to impress and seduce his partners.

Now, according to Dr. Levy and company, the Gastrosexual does not do dishes, no sir. Nor does he grocery shop or tidy up around the house before he lays the fish sauce on thick in an effort to get laid. But he does simmer, and chop, and caramelize things, because that is the sexy part of maintaining a household. From the "study":

In some cases it seems that the Gastrosexual maybe using his prowess in the kitchen as a way of contributing to the housework without having to take on the less fulfilling jobs of cleaning the home and washing clothes. Men, on average, spend just four minutes a day washing clothes, less than a quarter of the time spent by women. Professor Melanie Howard supports this theory “Cooking is an efficient contribution to the house given the time you spend ... it means that you’re a good modern bloke and you’re playing your part. But it is actually a more rewarding and creative form of domestic contribution.”

To that I say, Mr. Gastrosexual, I'd lose my clothes in a heartbeat if you'd just do the laundry. But I'll have to insist that you stay the hell out of my kitchen unless you're attending to the dirty dishes. And Dr. Levy? I'm going to publish a study, commissioned by the National Association of Women Who Are Annoyed By You, to investigate the possibility of naming you Dr. Gibberishmonger.