Reparations I: Meatruck

Sorry about that post below--I think I was having an existential crisis over the fact that I haven't eaten meat, cheese, or grains (!!) in the past 5 days. I just had an illegal cookie, and I think it set me straight. To make amends, and to celebrate the impending death of my health food binge, I give you....
MEATRUCK!

It just seemed like a good omen, waking up to find this sitting outside my house one drizzly Sunday morning. A good omen that is making me regret turning down that LockPicking 101 Course at the Phoenix Online University last Fall.StumbleUpon.com

Healthy Living: May Not Be Suitable for Sensitive Readers

I really wish I didn't have to do this. I'm just not sure that I have a choice. I fear that there may be people just like me out there right now...everything feels off, like they just need to be renewed, or revived, or something.

I'm starting to wonder who I am, and where my life is going. What kind of person have I become, and what does this all mean for my future? Am I going down the road of a---a----a health nut?! These are the questions that I've woken up to every day, in my dim room, the laptop computer that hasn't typed the word "cheese" in over a week grimly staring at me, wondering if I'll ever come back to it.

Will it ever forgive me for what I'm about to do?

The Bacon Concentrate SuperSmoothie:

1/2 medium Avocado (I promise it won't taste funny)
3/4 cup Grapes (for sweetness and fiber)
2 cups sliced Strawberries (for Vitamin C)
1 Carrot w/the skin, sliced (for Vitamin A)
1/2 cucumber w/the skin on, sliced (for fiber)
1 handful baby spinach leaves (for the hell of it)
1 cup Blackberries (for antioxidants)
1 cup unsweetened soy milk (for Vitamins, calcium)
splash of lemon juice, to taste
Ice cubes
Dash Cinnamon (so you can pretend you're eating apple pie)

Puree carrot and cucumber in blender. Add fruits and avocado, a bit at a time, until pureed. If blender sticks, add a splash of soymilk. Add the spinach, and puree. Add the soy milk and cinnamon. Taste, add more cinnamon and lemon juice to taste. Add ice cubes a few at a time until you have reached the desired consistency.

Note: This recipe is for a quick boost of vitamins and minerals and a healthy digestive system, not weight loss. If you drink this every day, you will have fantastic skin and a happy belly, but your butt still won't fit into your pre-teen's leggings. Then again, who wants that anyway?

EEEK! NUTRITION INFORMATION! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Serving Size: 1/2 of the mixture above
240 Calories
20% of your recommended daily value (DV) of Fat (good fat aids in absorption of vitamins & minerals)
25% DV Potassium
36% DV Dietary Fiber
5 grams Protein
180% DV Vitamin C
17% DV Iron
23% DV Calcium
15% DV Vitamin D
25% DV Vitamin B12

Tips and Tricks:

You can use good-quality frozen fruits--the sugar content is a little higher, but they are oh-so-easy.

Don't use yogurt, or milks containing lactose. Your belly needs a break.

Convince your boyfriend that these are a special dessert, made just for him. Then maybe he'll drink it, instead of chomping on that piece of pizza as you sip your non-cheesy, non-meaty, non-doughy vitamin serum.StumbleUpon.com

(Jambalaya) Crawfish Pie (File Gumbo) Recipe

"For tonight, I'm gonna see my ma cher-amio..."

Cooter Brown's is a cave-like bar in New Orleans that serves GIANT sandwiches loaded with fatty, meaty goodness. Mr. Luz and I went there after our first date and ran into native of my hometown, St. Louis, Missouri. As I wolfed down my GIANT reuben sandwich, Mr. St. Louisan told Mr. Luz "Only a St. Louis girl could appreciate a sandwich that much!" As they say, the rest is history.

When a few of my friends told me that they celebrate March 14th with a Pi/e Party, I immediately thought about Cooter Brown's Boudreaux Special, made with mini crawfish pies. The menu description is as follows: "Ms. Wheat's crawfish pies on french bread with remoulade sauce. So good it'll make you wanna slap yo grandmamma!" By the way, I don't mess around with grandmamas. When Grandmama P. passed away, she told me that if I ever felt a swift kick in the ass as I was doing something wrong, that I shouldn't turn around, it's just her telling me to knock it off. And Grandmama McBride took on an F-350 pickup truck. No sir, I don't eff with grandmamas. But I do love crawfish pie.

I made my pie crusts based on The Parsley Thief's recipe, found here. I also realized that I hate making pie crust in general, much less 25 mini pie crusts; next time I'll just use the store bought crap. Amateur Gourmet, I am decidedly not a pie dough personality. For tweaks on The Parsley Thief's recipe, see Tips and Tricks below.

Crawfish Pie Recipe
5-6 prepared pie shells, thawed
1 lb. peeled crawfish tails
1 package crab boil
1 1/2 cup sliced okra (if using frozen, thaw first)
2 tsp. oil
1 large tomato, coarse chopped
1 stick butter (woot!)
1/2 cup flour
1 cup diced white onions
1/2 cup diced green pepper
1/2 cup diced celery
1/4 cup chopped green onion
2 cups smoked sausage, diced
3 Tbs. Tony's Lite Seasoning, or another low-sodium cajun spice blend
Cayenne pepper and salt to taste
Flour
3 egg whites, lightly whisked

Put crawfish tails and crab boil packet in a large pot, barely cover with water. Bring pot to a boil, immediately turn off heat, and let crawfish tails soak for 30 min.-1 hour. Drain and return to the pot.
Saute okra in oil on medium-low heat, until the ropiness is gone and the okra has caramelized on the bottom of the pan. (10-15 minutes.) Remove okra, let cool, and chop OR pulse several times in a food processesor. Add okra to the drained crawfish. Saute tomato in the okra pan on low, stirring until the browned bits have released from the bottom of the pan.
Melt the butter and add the flour. Stir constantly to make a light roux (approx. 4-6 minutes).
Add the trinity (white onion, celery, green pepper) and saute until the veggies are soft. Add the sausage and saute for 3 minutes. Add the crawfish & okra, the tomato mixture, Tony's Seasoning, and the green onions. Stir until heated through. Set aside to cool.
Spread pie crusts out onto floured surface. Use a biscuit cutter, or a water glass to cut circles in the dough. Spoon filling onto the pastry circles, and fold in half. **It is easiest to assemble the pastries if you pull one side of the pastry to meet the other, lifting both sides off the counter and sealing with your fingertips pressing on either side. You can use your fingers to push the filling to the center of the pastry as you seal.** If the pastries do not seal, use a small amount of water on the seamed edges.
Crimp with a fork, and place onto a floured baking sheet. Freeze until ready to bake, or bake immediately, spaced out on a separate baking sheet. To bake, preheat the oven to 450 F. Spray baking sheet w/non-stick cooking spray or cover with parchment paper. Brush pastries lightly with egg whites, and bake for 18-20 minutes--until golden brown. (If frozen, bake for an additional 5 minutes).

Tips and Tricks:
If the pastry gets too sticky, add flour and/or return to the refrigerator to set.

It takes time to get the filling/dough ratio correct, and these boogers are yummy but they are not easy to put together.

Serve w/a remoulade sauce, (see below) which can be made w/many ingredients you already have in your fridge, plus some leftover from your crawfish-pie filling.

StumbleUpon.com

N'awlins Remoulade Sauce Recipe

Now there are two types of people in the world...people who like the French "white" remoulade w/mayonaise and capers, and those who prefer the spicy, tangy, N'awlins "red" remoulade best known for coating fabulous cajun boiled shrimp at New Orleans restaurants everywhere. (Prounounced "reh-mu-lawd," sort of quick, like you're about to jump into a huge sack of boiled crawfish and don't have time to talk about it.)

Ok, maybe that overstates things a bit. Regardless, here's my recipe for the red New Orleans style remoulade. It's super-tangy, with a little bit of spice and alot of green onion flavor.

New Orleans Remoulade Sauce
6 Tbs. Creole mustard
1 Tbsp. paprika
2 1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper
8 Tbs. vinegar
3/4 cup chopped green onions
4 dashes hot sauce
1/4 cup chopped celery
1/4 cup ketchup
1/4 cup yellow mustard (I know it sounds like alot of mustard, but it gives the recipe the tangy flavor plus some heat, makes it mauh-velous).
1 large clove garlic, minced
2 small eggs or 1 extra large, brought to room temp with a hot water bath
2 Tbs. lemon juice
2/3 cup oil

Place all ingredients besides oil in a blender, and puree. With blender on high, slowly add oil in a stream. The mixture should emulsify, giving it the texture of a thin mayonaise. Cover and store in the fridge overnight, so the flavors can develop. Serve with seafood, toss with boiled shrimp and serve over lettuce, or use to smother some unsuspecting french fries.StumbleUpon.com

A Day in the Life of a Food Blogger

Not that ya'll need to know about my GI problems, this being a blog about eating and all, but the flu has kicked my ass. In lieu of posting the recipe for the protein-boost, grape, soy milk, cucumber smoothie monstrosity that I will be having for dinner tonight, I wanted to post about the odd life of a food blogger.

I never considered how food blogs come together as I surfed ClosetCooking and PassionateEater, but I'm hoping this post will give bloggers a good laugh, while aficionados and aspiring bloggers can get a peek into our weird, weird existence.

Wake up, still full from last night's dinner (crawfish pie w/remoulade-recipe coming soon).

Consider eating leftover stout-beer-braised corned beef for breakfast.

Remember that I've gained 6 pounds since I started foodblogging a month ago, settle for cereal.

Grab coffee, check Tastespotting; Seriouseats; Foodgawker over coffee. It's brain candy.

At work.

Work has removed links to an email my friend sent me w/"Food Porn" in the title--curious.

Hear boss stirring--instantly fear that I'll be fired for spending my slow days on food blogs.

Boss moves past, log onto Foodbuzz and check out my friends' posts.

My BFF emails me for bacon cupcake recipes.

I loathe the BFF for making me crave bacon cupcakes for the rest of the day.

Back at the ranch, I love BFF for feeding me bacon cupcakes w/peanut butter icing.

Pull prepped mini crawfish pies for Pi/e Party out of the freezer, bake.

Contemplate which plate will complement the "crawfish pie visual." Patterned? Cutesy, in a good way.

Pies are done baking. Choose the cutest one, delicately break it open to reveal flaky crust and colorful, buttery filling.

Eff it up, huge chunks of dough are crumbling into the filling.

Repeat attempt at artistic-pie-breaking till I only have 20 pies left for the party.

Curse that I'm losing natural light, plunk the best looking pie down on the plate. I like the contrast of the red and green in this one's filling.

Drizzle remoulade? Or pool it on the plate?

This decision takes 7 minutes.

Drizzle.

Take 127 photos of the crawfish pie (no joke!), holding my breath (no tripod) in macromode (point n' shoot--someday, Nikon, someday).

Realize that I haven't even showered for the party. Crap! I'm always late (but bearing yummy things).

Resign myself to the single-minded, somewhat chaotic life of a food blogger.

Wonder if the DaringBaker's store is open yet, log on to check it out.StumbleUpon.com